Posted by: glorifyhim1 | February 26, 2013

I Wish I Could Talk to Mama

I sit here in a quiet house with a hot cup of coffee, logs sizzling in the wood stove, and a sweet old dog curled up beside me in my chair. It has been a long day…. and, to be honest, it has been a long three months. I hadn’t really signed up for all that has transpired the past several weeks, yet I’ve been a part of this journey, nonetheless. And, tonight, once again, as I’ve felt so many times throughout these weeks…..I wish I could talk to Mama!

I wonder what would Mama say if I could tell her that I just put my son, her grandchild, and his wife (whom she never had the pleasure to meet) on a plane to return to Chile.

I wonder what would Mama say if I could tell her that their recent extended visit was not for fun… not for reuniting with family members and loved ones… but instead it was to bury their stillborn, greatly anticipated, much loved son, my first grandson, her first great-grandchild.

I wonder what would Mama say if I could tell her how we had tried to celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and make the most of this time we had with the kids, while all the time battling a heavy cloud that always seemed to lurk nearby.

I wonder what would Mama say if I could tell her about all my tears and struggles, the anxieties and inadequacies that I felt, and the deepest yearnings of my heart that I could only share with very few.

Oh, how I wish I could talk to Mama!

But as I thought about how much I’d like to pull up next to her wheel chair and pour out all the emotion in my heart, I knew that I really already knew just what she would say. I could know because of what I had witnessed in her life. She, too, had been through roller coaster times, seasons of life that she hadn’t signed up for either. I saw how she dealt with the loss of her first grandaughter, my daughter. She didn’t have answers, either, but she was there. She cried with me. She tried to make me eat. She encouraged me to keep on hoping and believing. She loved me.

I saw my Mama say forever good-byes to her Mom and Dad, to her husband and my Dad, and to other family members. I saw her deal with personal tragedy as she faced complications from diabetes. Yet, in spite of the sorrow and the tears, in spite of any anxieties and inadequacies she felt, and in spite of how much she may have yearned in her heart that things were different, she exhibited a strength and courage that I know she would want to see in me.

Even so, right now I don’t feel very strong …. but that’s okay because I know the One who is. It is the same One who has carried me before when my courage was small and when my strength was weak. He is the One who gives me hope when I feel hopeless and who helps me believe when my faith is shaky. In the words of Paul to the Corinthians: “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

It is Christ’s strength that has carried me – and that continues to carry me. It is Christ’s strength that picks me up when I fall down and that keeps me standing sometimes on shaky legs. It is Christ who stands for me when I cannot stand alone.

If I could talk to Mama, I’d like to thank her for what she taught me by what she showed me. I’d like to thank her for demonstrating to me that it is possible to stand strong when you’re weak, to move forward with courage when you’d rather give up or give in, and that even in difficult times, one can still look ahead with hope. We can do these things, not because of who or what we are, but simply because of Christ!

 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

(Philippians 4:13)

Follow the link to hear Steven Curtis Chapman, “His Strength Is Perfect”

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